Dear Mr. Social,
How can I get more people interested in me?
-Tuan
Dear Tuan,
There is a scene in the movie called School for Scoundrels where the life coach asks the students “Who in here owns a self help book?” The whole class raises their hands. The life coach then replies “You all own a self help book because yourselves suck!”
In order to get someone interested, you have to be interesting. Would you say you are an interesting person? What is there to you that will make someone want to get to know you? What is it about you that makes you different from everyone else? If you can’t come up with some good answers then you have some work to do.
Play sports, get involved in social activities, have many hobbies, travel, learn to dance, cook, give massages, pickup a musical instrument, put together events and parties. All those things will make you a more interesting person. When you are interesting, there will be more people interested. After you have people who are interested, then you can flip the switch and show that you are interested by finding out what makes them interesting. And voila!
The key to generating interest is to not only be yourself, but to be your best self! Continue to grow, improve yourself and become more interesting and you will have a lot more people interested. For more information and articles about dating and relationships, check out http://www.mr-social.com/. Also, don’t forget to email me if you have any more questions about dating and relationships to mr.socialhimself@mr-social.com
~Mr. Social
Friday, August 17, 2007
The Art of Meeting -By Mr. Social
Have you ever noticed someone across the room that you wanted to meet but didn’t know how or were too afraid to introduce yourself? Meeting new people can be intimidating and overwhelming. As easy as it sounds, people find it quite difficult to do, and the constant fear of not knowing what to say or being shot down could make a grown person cry! It’s actually pretty easy once you get all that anxiety out of your head and just do it.
So put on that smile and get ready to unleash the social butterfly from within! Here are some tips to help you break the ice and make the interaction less awkward and more pleasant for all parties.
The Approach
Approach immediately and with a smile; doing this will show that you are confident. And confidence is extremely attractive and sexy! Make sure you approach a person within a few seconds of either making eye contact with them or when you see them. Hesitation for longer than that, or hovering around them and staring shows a lack of confidence and gives off a weirdo vibe.
Approach from the sides and at an angle so that they can see you coming. Often times, approaching directly in front of a person could be somewhat confrontational and feels threatening. This will make people put their guards up and make it more difficult for them to accept you right away. Also approaching from behind could also be surprising and they might blow you off before you get to say anything.
Walk up slowly with a smile and make warm eye contact. When you get close, stand up straight, chest out, shoulders back and low, legs shoulder width apart and arms to the side and out of the your pockets. Don’t cross your arms, or hold your drink in front of you as if you are trying to protect or cover yourself. When you get near them, arty not to crowd their personal space, but at the same time don’t stand so far away that they can’t hear your speaking at a normal volume. A good rule of thumb is stand within arms length but don’t lean in. Lean back a little so you won’t appear as threatening with your first impressions.
Making Conversation
Remember, how you say it is just as important as what you say. Your nonverbal cues and body language account for as much as 80 percent of your communication. Therefore, make sure you speak slowly, clearly and loudly. Something as easy as “hi” could be taken differently if you walk up slouching and standing one feet away staring at someone’s chest.
You don’t have to say the smoothest or coolest thing. Throw those cheesy pickup lines out the window. They’ve heard them all. A simple “hello” is all you really need. People often get so caught up with the opening line. It’s not what you start the conversation with, but rather how you carry the conversation afterwards. That’s what will keep them talking to you. But if you really need a “line” stick to something genuine and honest. Something like, “I noticed you across the room and wanted to meet you. My name is ______ what’s yours?” Or “I’m just being social and enjoy meeting new people. My name is ______ what’s yours?”
Shedding Anxiety
Some people have so much anxiety when talking to strangers that they trip over their words, become nervous, experience excessive sweating and find themselves at a loss for words. If this sounds like you, take baby steps toward building enough confidence to get rid of that anxiety. How do you do this?
Set personal goals to initiate conversations with strangers. Get in the habit of being talkative to everyone you see including both sexes. Set goals for yourself to talk to at least 10 new people every day and ask them a general question like what time it is or a good movie recommendation. Then the next day, ask 10 new people a different question, but try to make small talk for as long as you can. If it stalls out, leave saying, “It was a pleasure meeting you,” or “It was nice talking to you” and keep doing this until you are comfortable enough to talk to anyone. If your location or environment doesn’t allow you to interact with a lot of people, join a social group. Maybe take a group class in salsa dancing or cooking and be sure to know everyone’s name by the end of the class and maybe something interesting about each person.
Make sure to not take any resistance or rejection personally. Sometimes people are less socially receptive due to a variety of reasons. Any resistance simply means your approach, which could include body language or communications, wasn’t done correctly. A general guideline to minimize resistance is to try not to interrupt someone in a conversation, on the phone, or in the middle of something. People will be more receptive to your conversations. Don’t be outcome dependent and be sure to have fun with the interaction. Enjoy the journey and not just the destination. With enough practice and dedication, you will be a social butterfly in no time!
So put on that smile and get ready to unleash the social butterfly from within! Here are some tips to help you break the ice and make the interaction less awkward and more pleasant for all parties.
The Approach
Approach immediately and with a smile; doing this will show that you are confident. And confidence is extremely attractive and sexy! Make sure you approach a person within a few seconds of either making eye contact with them or when you see them. Hesitation for longer than that, or hovering around them and staring shows a lack of confidence and gives off a weirdo vibe.
Approach from the sides and at an angle so that they can see you coming. Often times, approaching directly in front of a person could be somewhat confrontational and feels threatening. This will make people put their guards up and make it more difficult for them to accept you right away. Also approaching from behind could also be surprising and they might blow you off before you get to say anything.
Walk up slowly with a smile and make warm eye contact. When you get close, stand up straight, chest out, shoulders back and low, legs shoulder width apart and arms to the side and out of the your pockets. Don’t cross your arms, or hold your drink in front of you as if you are trying to protect or cover yourself. When you get near them, arty not to crowd their personal space, but at the same time don’t stand so far away that they can’t hear your speaking at a normal volume. A good rule of thumb is stand within arms length but don’t lean in. Lean back a little so you won’t appear as threatening with your first impressions.
Making Conversation
Remember, how you say it is just as important as what you say. Your nonverbal cues and body language account for as much as 80 percent of your communication. Therefore, make sure you speak slowly, clearly and loudly. Something as easy as “hi” could be taken differently if you walk up slouching and standing one feet away staring at someone’s chest.
You don’t have to say the smoothest or coolest thing. Throw those cheesy pickup lines out the window. They’ve heard them all. A simple “hello” is all you really need. People often get so caught up with the opening line. It’s not what you start the conversation with, but rather how you carry the conversation afterwards. That’s what will keep them talking to you. But if you really need a “line” stick to something genuine and honest. Something like, “I noticed you across the room and wanted to meet you. My name is ______ what’s yours?” Or “I’m just being social and enjoy meeting new people. My name is ______ what’s yours?”
Shedding Anxiety
Some people have so much anxiety when talking to strangers that they trip over their words, become nervous, experience excessive sweating and find themselves at a loss for words. If this sounds like you, take baby steps toward building enough confidence to get rid of that anxiety. How do you do this?
Set personal goals to initiate conversations with strangers. Get in the habit of being talkative to everyone you see including both sexes. Set goals for yourself to talk to at least 10 new people every day and ask them a general question like what time it is or a good movie recommendation. Then the next day, ask 10 new people a different question, but try to make small talk for as long as you can. If it stalls out, leave saying, “It was a pleasure meeting you,” or “It was nice talking to you” and keep doing this until you are comfortable enough to talk to anyone. If your location or environment doesn’t allow you to interact with a lot of people, join a social group. Maybe take a group class in salsa dancing or cooking and be sure to know everyone’s name by the end of the class and maybe something interesting about each person.
Make sure to not take any resistance or rejection personally. Sometimes people are less socially receptive due to a variety of reasons. Any resistance simply means your approach, which could include body language or communications, wasn’t done correctly. A general guideline to minimize resistance is to try not to interrupt someone in a conversation, on the phone, or in the middle of something. People will be more receptive to your conversations. Don’t be outcome dependent and be sure to have fun with the interaction. Enjoy the journey and not just the destination. With enough practice and dedication, you will be a social butterfly in no time!
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